Insecure.

that's the right term to describe my SIL. She would copy everything I do, from parties to scrapbooking and even rearing my son. She'll find ways to tell my in-laws negative things about me, which were actually FALSE. I found a site wherein it tackled the real meaning of INSECURITY. All the signs were there and she fits the characteristics to a T. "If the shoe fits" may sound cliche' but IT IS. She's the perfect example of a leech. Those creatures who suck blood. Sucking As!@#$%^ was never in my vocabulary. I don't want to PLEASE people who wants everything to be about them. What they say, feel and think will always be right. So now, every time we're invited to attend parties in their place, I would tell my husband not to stay long as I can't bear to stomach the long hours of worshipping and the likes. She's a pretentious, conniving b@#$h.

I'm Pissed.

Just recently, we found out that SIL's pregnant and due to give birth early next year. Since, my MIL's fond of volunteering OUR stuff, mind you it's OURS meaning she doesn't have RIGHTS to those items as my parents, friends or us (my husband and I) bought them. Anyways, when they found out that it was a boy, she started asking for my son's things. I can still recall, she would tell us not to give them away so we can use them for our next baby. But, lo and behold, she was thinking of giving it to SIL! The nerve! I'm not really a selfish person BUT with people like them, always meddling or saying negative comments to my toddler, doesn't seem appropriate to extend a helping hand. Neither she nor my BIL gave my son expensive toys or clothes. Don't think I'm materialistic, but a simple toy or those character shirts will make my boy happy. They don't even let my son choose what he wants. It's always WHAT THEY WANT! Believe me, when that baby comes out, I won't let them borrow my baby's things, toys and even clothes. Call me SELFISH - well, I AM!

To WORK or Not To WORK???

I was doing some shopping when the husband asked me if he could buy the rubix cube he saw at the toy store. I asked him how much and he said, "50bucks". Before I said yes, I suggested that it's better if he'll buy something useful like a pair of jeans or shorts. He totally brushed me off with a sarcastic remark " Never mind." What did I do??? I'm being practically. A pair of jeans is way better than a toy that might get broken after a day or two. After that conversation, I continued with my shopping. I saw this nice short skirt and I wanted to know his opinion. He casually said " OKAY, buy it." All the while I thought, he liked it because it looks good on me but NO, at the back of his mind he was thinking another penny spent out of my wallet. I was so hurt when I discovered that. We were eating dinner and he blurted out "I was just asking for 50bucks and you said NO while you bought an expensive skirt." I was appalled. On my part, it was just a practical suggestion. I was going to give him the money, anyway.

It's really hard if you're not working. If you're not putting any food on the table. I'm a homemaker by choice and mutual decision. It's not just me who made that DECISION few years ago. Though, according to him, it was just a meaningless retort, I took it otherwise. I'm now contemplating on finding a stable work and risk leaving my toddler with his yaya just for the sake of having my OWN money.

I'm Just...

pissed off with my husband as he always stay in the office more often as he is at home. Whenever I ask him, he'll answer " I have plenty of things to finish." One of his team lead's told me that he prefers staying at the office because he can rest than at home when he needs to take care of our son. TAKE CARE meaning play with him, read book and do other stuff. WTF?! I mean, he is the father. It's his responsibility to look after our son. He's always like that. I noticed that he's like his parents. You see, he grew up with his nanny because both his parents are working and comes home late. His mom, according to the nanny, doesn't even hug or kiss them when they were still young. Imagine?! Maybe, that's why he's not sweet as a father nor as a husband. This year, we'll be celebrating our seventh anniversary and all I feel is regret. Every single day spent with him is like a tedious task I need to do.

Everytime...

they're going to have a party or family gathering, hubby's relatives won't let the day pass without saying " your son doesn't know us cuz you're not bringing him here every day." My son's not a snob. He's just SHY like his dad. He doesn't want to be forced into something he's not comfortable in doing. If he doesn't kiss or bless their hand, it's because he needs to have a "warm-up" time like 30 mins or so from the minute we arrived before he talks, plays or socializes. THAT they don't understand. Some people are just plain NARROW-MINDED. Even MIL will say that "he's like that with us" or " we don't feel we're grandparents". Yes, they won't feel grandparents because everytime he's with them, she's always looking for something bad to comment on. She can't even buy a nice toy for my him. She wants WHAT she likes. Like a plastic toy gun she bought in bargain stores. GUN?! C'mon!!!!! Sometimes, she would ask if he likes sodas or junk foods. AND if I say NO she would react violently. Exclaiming " you're depriving of your son the things a normal child do or eat." Yeah, junk foods and candies are part of that!!!! How can someone be that selfish?!!

Another PROBLEM...

Last week, MIL borrowed a few thousands from us saying she's going to pay us back at the end of the month. I already told hubby that I don't want to lend her the money since she wasn't able to pay the 110K she still owe us. Don't think I'm selfish. It's just that, we're living on a tight income since hubby was the only one working and our son's tuition fee is not that cheap either. Anyways, she's adamant that she'll pay us on time. She even said that the money will be deposited in our checking account on the 3rd week of this month. I checked last Monday, NO MONEY. I don't want to have any problems because of her. We almost lost our house because of her, both our credit cards were maxed-out, AGAIN because of them. So, you see, I don't just make up these horrendous stories. I'm not SELFISH -just protecting my family.

Monster IL's

I always had a sour relationship with my in-laws. Well, for one, they don't like me. WHY? Because I don't agree with everything they say. Especially, when it comes to making decision for my son. You see, my mother-in-law would always insist that she knows everything. She would even tell me NOT to believe the parenting books I read nor the doctors that I consult every time my son would get sick. According to them, bringing him to the doctors will only make matters worst. WTF?! DOCTORS are there for a reason. They should be the first ones to tell me that.

Just recently, my SIL got pregnant. She was asking me about this and that. One time she mentioned that she would take frequent naps when she's at home. BTW, they're staying at my IL's house. Anyways, I don't know if I would be angry or bitter since I never had the same treatment when I was pregnant with our son. They (MIL and her helper) would wake me up at 6am even though they know that I slept late (around 4am) because of my asthma. Knocking on my door or most of the time, they will just barge in saying " it's bad for the baby when you don't eat breakfast." Though, I'm really not (yet) hungry.

I could still recall the times when they would tell me to eat seafoods or take a stroll in the garden, though I received strict instructions that I should only STAY in bed as I had a "high risk" pregnancy. I don't know their real intention. I would even call my parents and older sister so I could vent out my anger. Finally, when I gave birth, I felt like a prisoner granted the much awaited pardon. I can go home to our house (mine and hubby's)...away from their scrutiny and non-stop meddling.

I thought every thing would stop from there. I guess, I was TOTALLY wrong! It was just the beginning of my life in H_ _ _!!!!

Am I A Bad Mom?

I’m always asking myself if I’m a good or bad mom? Everytime my son does something that’s really annoying, I can’t seem to control myself. The first time I spanked him, I said to myself, probably I’m just stressed with chores or it’s the result of not having enough sleep, etc...etc...
I started spanking my son a few months before he turned 3. He showed signs of what they call “the terrible three stage”. More often than not, he’s rowdy, sometimes, he can sense that I’m so mad that he will do the things I HATE but later on apologize for it with hugs and kisses. He would even say “ SORRY...I’ll NEVER do it again. “

Once, I blogged about the book my mom gave me. It’s about disciplining your child without spanking or shouting. I’ve tried few of the their techniques, but none of it seems to be working, Now, I’m still burdened with that dilema. I can’t shake some things off and just let him be. For heaven’s sake he’s only 3, but with frequent brawlings and misbehaviours, my immediate reaction would always be SPANKING.

I don’t want this affect my child in every possible way. I can still recall my classmate when I was in nursery. His mom would pinch and scold him infront of all the parents everytime he would go out the classroom and ask her the answer to our seatwork. She would often say “ Yan lang hinde mo pa alam.” (Don’t tell me you don’t know the answer to that simple question) And then my classmate would just bow down his head and tears would fall down his cheeks. It’s as if I’m watching one of the telenovelas in tv. My grandma would tell the mother to stop shouting and hitting his son. Maybe, that’s why he NEVER excelled in school. Maybe, because of the constant nagging, hurting and embarassment, his self-esteem got affected. I don’t want that to happen to my son.

Just this afternoon, we’re doing some of his workbook when I suddenly I asked him about the shape in the picture. He said, “Mama, I don’t know.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I know he knows the ANSWER he’s just PRETENDING he doesn’t know. Yesterday, he told me it was a rectangle. Why, all of a sudden he developed a SHORT TERM AMNESIA and forget these basic information. Before I can stop myself, I uttered “ I’m disappointed. You’re not serious with what we’re doing.” With a look of disappointment and frustration clearly visible on my face. I know he saw it. He was even about to cry but stopped himself.

I don’t want THIS to continue. I want to be more PATIENT and UNDERSTANDNG. Why do I have to be like a monster-mom?? I abhor punishing him for something I KNOW he unintentionally planned. Is this a sign of being a BAD MOM?

HELP!